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If your child’s been taken away, you’ll want this guide.
- 10 Things to do when you can no longer see your own child
- Plus, I’ll show you how to access the Must-Have Guide: Top Tips for Mums to Win Back Custody of Your Child
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“Elizabeth has counselled and worked on me as much as she has worked on issues regarding my daughter and her courses should be compulsory for all parents.”
Casey Jane Rand
If your child has been taken away, life can seem to stand still and you end up living in a shadow world, where nothing really matters until you get your child back.
There aren’t really words to describe the guilt, the devastation and the loneliness you can feel as a mother. Not a minute seems to go by without you thinking of your child. Life seems empty and meaningless. Nothing feels fun anymore. It is like your heart has been ripped out.
Your child may be living with a relative or foster carer. It can be surprising how intense your feeling of dislike can be for the person caring for your child, and how critical you feel towards them.
For whatever reason, your child has been removed from your care. Even if you felt you were doing a good job, there are clearly some areas of your parenting that need to be improved. For you to stand a chance of getting access to your child back, you will need to prove that you can change the way you care for your child.
Many parents, who have had a child taken away, feel that other people are poisoning their child against them. Whilst ‘parental alienation’ is very real, if your child doesn’t enjoy your company you will have an uphill struggle. It’s vital for you to make sure that your child feels happy, comfortable and supported when they are with you.
Luckily you have found this site. I am not a legal specialist, or a child-protection expert. However, I can help you learn some new parenting skills, and help you prove that you are a good mum.
I am one of the leading UK Parenting Specialists. My mission is to help a million children have a happier childhood, through helping their parents learn good parenting skills. I’d like your child to be included in the million children I help! Part of my role, is to provide mums with a parenting course, that meets the needs of Social Services and the Child protection conference.
If you need to do a parenting course, or find support with you parenting skills. I can help. I can show you how to get your child to behave well, 90 to 95% of the time. I can teach you the skills that enable you to be in charge at home without being over-controlling, and show you how to discipline your child, gently yet firmly, without having to raise your voice.
I am not going to judge you. I know that you are only reading this because you want to be back in contact with your child, and be a good mum for them. I would like to help you achieve that.
Further Help and Support
If you’re not able to see your child, you’ll want this free download: 10 Things to Do When You Can No Longer See Your Own Child
There are two other ways I may be able to help:
- Book in a ‘Fix it Friday’ Session. It costs £47 for 30 minutes and you can discuss any aspect of how to handle your child.
- If you want to discuss whether a tailor-made parenting course is right for you, ring me, free of charge, on 01403 839683 or e-mail me at: email@example.com to arrange a suitable time to talk.
Although you may need additional help from other professionals, my speciality is helping mums with parenting skills.
If your child has chosen to live with their other parent, you also need to address why. Children are generally very accepting. The easy option is to blame the other parent. There are no easy answers, or solutions. However, if you can prove that you are a good mother, for some, the situation can change.
As a parenting expert, I can help you learn the basic skills of being a great parent. However, the rest is up to you.
The day you are accused of abusing your child can be traumatic and bewildering. It’s a pivotal day, when everything changes, and you go from being a ‘good-enough dad’ to a criminal. the accusation may have come from your ex-partner, particularly if there has been a lot of conflict between you. Or maybe something your child said at school triggered the events.
You may have been asked to leave the family home, or, if your child isn’t living with you permanently, you may have had access visits stopped. In some cases, you will have been asked to attend a police station told about the allegation, and had your fingerprints taken. It is the day your whole world turns upside-down.
You probably found the whole situation hard to deal with. You will have had to have found alternative accommodation. You may also have felt judged, embarrassed, confused, angry, or upset not just by the professionals involved, and by friends, family, work colleagues, teachers at your child’s school, or people who know you.
Your child will have been hugely affected too. They will have felt all sorts of emotions; guilt, that what they said triggered the whole process, and meant they couldn’t see you; fear, that you would be angry with them; stress, concerned that events spiralled out of control; confusion, about different adults who they had never met asking them to repeat their story. Wishing everything could go back to normal and that none of this had ever happened.
In the longer term, your child will be denied access to you for months. Apart from the negative impact of not having a dad around, this extended, imposed separation can cause further depression, anxiety, guilt and stress.
The events of one day will mark a pivotal point in your child’s relationship with you. In the future, you will remember the time before Social Services became involved in your family life, and the time afterwards. Your relationship with your child will never be as carefree and relaxed again.
In the past, you may have judged men accused of abusing their own child as monsters. Now you realise that a simple event at home can spiral out of control. If you have been living in the family home, you will have been asked to find alternative accommodation, and not contact home. If you were not living with your child, you would have been asked to voluntarily agree to no contact with your child. In some cases, you may have had to admit to abusing your child in court, and be charged, to avoid your child having to take the witness stand to testify against you.
If a child protection conference is held, something that you never, ever considered might happen, and you end up being investigated for causing ‘significant harm’ to your own child (a section 47 Investigation.) Your life history, everything that has happened to you in the past – your childhood, every poor decision or angry outburst – will be analysed and judged. It will be turned into report about you and your family life, that feels like a ‘criminal investigation.’
The baffling thing about the process is that unlike other ‘criminals’ everyone assumes you are guilty. The saying ‘innocent until proved guilty’ doesn’t feel like it applies in your case. Your child’s story is taken completely at face value, and your version of events is viewed with suspicion and mistrust.
As time goes on, it can be hard to know what to do, when the system seems to drag its heels. Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, and there seems to be little you can do to speed things up.
Although you know that you are under suspicion and accused of something dreadful – harming your own child – no one seems to be able to point you in the right direction so you know what you need to do. Not only that, but it is so hard to know who to turn to for help. Social services are less than helpful in showing you how to move things along quickly, or what courses are available to you, to help things go back to normal. The whole situation seems to be a living nightmare.
If you are lucky, you will have supervised access to your child arranged. However, for some men, even that is denied.
Although you may feel that Social Services, the Police, and the professionals at the child protection conference are completely opposed to you, there is some common ground:
- You love your child, and want the best for them.
- You want your child to feel safe in their own home.
- You are determined your child should never be abused.
- You would always want your child’s rights to be protected.
- You appreciate other adults who work hard to fight for your child’s best interests and welfare.
The fly in the ointment may just be the attitude and competency of the people investigating your case. An interesting paradox is that when we are accused of wrong-doing, it is human nature to be critical and insulting about people who accuse us. When we don’t feel respected or listened-to, our natural reaction is to lose respect for those who are critical of us. However, it is useful to realise that every single father accused of abuse denies the allegations and has a different version of events to their child.