Download your FREE Guide: Accused Of Abusing Your Own Child
If you have been accused of abusing your own child, you’ll want this guide.
- 10 Things to do when you can no longer see your own child
- Plus, I’ll show you how to access the Must-Have Guide: Tips for Dads to Regain Access to Your Child After Abuse Allegations.
Elizabeth Counselled and Worked on Me
“Elizabeth has counselled and worked on me as much as she has worked on issues regarding my daughter and her courses should be compulsory for all parents.”
The day you’re accused of abusing your child can be traumatic and bewildering. It’s a pivotal day, when everything changes, and you go from being a ‘good-enough dad’ to a criminal. the accusation may have come from your ex-partner, particularly if there has been a lot of conflict between you. Or maybe something your child said at school triggered the events.
You may have been asked to leave the family home, or, if your child isn’t living with you permanently, you may have had access visits stopped. In some cases, you will have been asked to attend a police station told about the allegation, and had your fingerprints taken. It is the day your whole world turns upside-down.
You probably found the whole situation hard to deal with. You will have had to have found alternative accommodation. You may also have felt judged, embarrassed, confused, angry, or upset not just by the professionals involved, and by friends, family, work colleagues, teachers at your child’s school, or people who know you.
Your child will have been hugely affected too. They will have felt all sorts of emotions; guilt, that what they said triggered the whole process, and meant they couldn’t see you; fear, that you would be angry with them; stress, concerned that events spiralled out of control; confusion, about different adults who they had never met asking them to repeat their story. Wishing everything could go back to normal and that none of this had ever happened.
In the longer term, your child will be denied access to you for months. Apart from the negative impact of not having a dad around, this extended, imposed separation can cause further depression, anxiety, guilt and stress.
The events of one day will mark a pivotal point in your child’s relationship with you. In the future, you will remember the time before Social Services became involved in your family life, and the time afterwards. Your relationship with your child will never be as carefree and relaxed again.
In the past, you may have judged men accused of abusing their own child as monsters. Now you realise that a simple event at home can spiral out of control. If you have been living in the family home, you will have been asked to find alternative accommodation, and not contact home. If you were not living with your child, you would have been asked to voluntarily agree to no contact with your child. In some cases, you may have had to admit to abusing your child in court, and be charged, to avoid your child having to take the witness stand to testify against you.
If a child protection conference is held, something that you never, ever considered might happen, and you end up being investigated for causing ‘significant harm’ to your own child (a section 47 Investigation.) Your life history, everything that has happened to you in the past – your childhood, every poor decision or angry outburst – will be analysed and judged. It will be turned into report about you and your family life, that feels like a ‘criminal investigation.’
The baffling thing about the process is that unlike other ‘criminals’ everyone assumes you are guilty. The saying ‘innocent until proved guilty’ doesn’t feel like it applies in your case. Your child’s story is taken completely at face value, and your version of events is viewed with suspicion and mistrust.
As time goes on, it can be hard to know what to do, when the system seems to drag its heels. Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, and there seems to be little you can do to speed things up.
Although you know that you are under suspicion and accused of something dreadful – harming your own child – no one seems to be able to point you in the right direction so you know what you need to do. Not only that, but it is so hard to know who to turn to for help. Social services are less than helpful in showing you how to move things along quickly, or what courses are available to you, to help things go back to normal. The whole situation seems to be a living nightmare.
If you are lucky, you will have supervised access to your child arranged. However, for some men, even that is denied.
Although you may feel that Social Services, the Police, and the professionals at the child protection conference are completely opposed to you, there is some common ground:
- You love your child, and want the best for them.
- You want your child to feel safe in their own home.
- You are determined your child should never be abused.
- You would always want your child’s rights to be protected.
- You appreciate other adults who work hard to fight for your child’s best interests and welfare.
The fly in the ointment may just be the attitude and competency of the people investigating your case. An interesting paradox is that when we are accused of wrong-doing, it is human nature to be critical and insulting about people who accuse us. When we don’t feel respected or listened-to, our natural reaction is to lose respect for those who are critical of us. However, it is useful to realise that every single father accused of abuse denies the allegations and has a different version of events to their child.
Luckily you have found this site. I am not a legal specialist, or a child-protection expert. However, I can help you learn some new parenting skills, and help you prove that you are a good dad.
I am one of the leading UK Parenting Specialists. My mission is to help parents learn the best parenting skills to make sure their children have the best up-bringing possible. Part of my role, is to provide dads with a parenting course, that meets the needs of Social Services and the Child protection conference.
If you need to do a parenting course, or find support with you parenting skills. I can help. I can show you how to get your child to behave well, 90 to 95% of the time. I can teach you the skills that enable you to be in charge at home without being over-controlling, and show you how to discipline your child, gently yet firmly, without having to raise your voice.
When you are accused of harming your child, you want someone in your corner. I am not going to judge you. I know that you are only reading this because you want to be back in contact with your child, and be a good dad for them. I would like to help you achieve that.
However, if this is just a paper exercise for you – a box to tick to show that you have completed a parenting course, then please find another course to attend. I only help men who genuinely want to be good dads for their children, and who are open to learning new skills to achieve that. I do not work with everyone who contacts me. My mission is to help you be a great dad. If that isn’t your goal too, then I’m probably not the right person to help you.
Further Help and Support
If you’re not able to see your child, you’ll want this free download: 10 Things to Do When You Can No Longer See Your Own Child
There are two other ways I may be able to help:
- Book in a ‘Fix it Friday’ Session. It costs £47 for 30 minutes and you can discuss any aspect of how to handle your child.
- If you want to discuss whether a tailor-made parenting course is right for you, ring me, free of charge, on 01403 839683 or e-mail me at: email@example.com to arrange a suitable time to talk.