I help parents give their children the best chance of a happy childhood after divorce.
He was married for 12 years and had a young son and daughter. When one evening he came home from work and his wife said that she no longer wanted to stay married and asked him to leave. She told him she no longer loved him and wanted to separate.
My friend went through all the stages of shock, denial and anger. He spent many months hoping his wife had made a mistake and would change her mind – and said he was ready to come back and work on his marriage.
Looking back on his marriage he realised that there had been problems, but he had not realised how serious they were until his wife told him she wanted to separate.
I watched my friend go through 2 years of huge stress and trauma. He became obsessed with the divorce and trying to get as much contact as he could with his children. His world had literally been turned upside down.
His wife became more and more remote and did everything she could to make it difficult for my friend to see his children. She would sometimes be out when he arrived to take the children out and would constantly see everything he did in a negative light. Nothing he could do was right. As time went on the ex-wife became convinced that being with their dad was bad for her children. She could not see how much damage it was causing the children when she refused to communicate with their dad.
You may be familiar with what followed – failed mediation attempts, court cases, and prolonged difficulties with access. And then something for which my friend was not prepared – allegations of abuse, which led to him not seeing his children for months, before Social Services decided he was not a risk and that contact should be resumed.
My friend’s children continue to suffer emotionally from the effects of their parents separating. There is no communication between the Mum and Dad apart from very occasional e-mails when the other partner needs to know something. The children see that their parents are not talking and this confuses them. They know that their Dad is fun, loving, kind and caring, because they spend lovely weekends and holidays with him. But they depend on their Mum for love and care. The children feel torn apart by the fact that the adults around them are unable to sort out their differences.
My friend’s wife will have been through her own set of difficulties and stresses when she chose to leave the marriage. She will have gone through the guilt as well as the deep lows that inevitably come when a relationship ends. There are no winners when it comes to divorce.
When my friend came to me for support I was pleased to be able to help him through some of the difficulties that he was going through.
But when we were searching for help to find good quality advice on how he could help his children through all the difficulties that the separation was causing we could find nothing apart from books and general parenting courses. There were no courses or websites for parents like him who were divorcing and wanted to help their child with the difficulties his divorce was causing. Since then a course has been set up, and it is only for parents going through the courts. But prevention is so much better than curing the problem.
That is why I started specialising in helping parents who separate and divorce to help their children cope.
And I would dearly like to help you.
Parents who are separating have various degrees of contact with their children. You may be the main carer for your child. You may have 50/50 access. You may see your child only at weekends or holidays. You may only see your child in a contact centre or you may have no contact with your child.
Whatever your situation I would like you to find the answers you need to be a great mum or dad for your child.
I run regular one-day workshops ‘Help your child cope with Divorce or Separation’
During the day we cover:
- How to prevent your separation or divorce from damaging your children for life
- The 5 critical things you need to know about what to say and what not to say to the children
- The easy way to get your child to talk about their emotions
- The 3 biggest dangers if children don’t talk about their emotions
- The 10 vital steps you need to take to help your children adapt well to your separation
- The little-known psychological secrets about helping children feel good about themselves even while their parents are divorcing.
- Simple skills to deal with your children’s difficult behaviour when they act up over the divorce
- How to talk to your ex without getting upset when you want to discuss the children
- The five words people use that they don’t realise are screwing up their children
- How to help your children grow into happy confident teenagers, and have a great relationship with you for the rest of their lives.
If you would like to book on the one-day workshop please click here
If you need more specific help and would like to have a private one-to-one consultation or series of support sessions please ring Elizabeth on 01403 839682. These can be held face to face, by phone or using Skype. for more details please click here and scroll down the page
If you would like to do a comprehensive parenting skills course (or have been requested to do one by a family court) check out my new service. A private one-day parenting course with a certificate. You can either come to Horsham for the day, do it in two half-days, or access the course using Skype. for more details please click here
Please also download my FREE e-book as it contains loads of useful information that will help you no matter what your situation.
I look forward to working with you