Top Tips for Taming Tantrums

 In Toddler

Boy having a tantrumWe’ve all been there! –Your child is having a major melt
down and you are standing there, just not sure what to do.
Here are a few handy tips to help you deal with a tantrum,
but more importantly how to minimise the chance of it
happening again –and lets face it, prevention is always
better than having to deal with your toddler’s melt-down!

1.    What triggers your child’s tantrums?

  • Pure frustration at their limitations and inability to communicate or control what is happening
  • Being tired and/or hungry
  • Being uncomfortable or in pain
  • Fear, excitement, boredom or stress
  • Attention seeking

2.    How to keep your cool when your child is losing theirs

  • Stop and think before you act.
  • Try to act calm even if you don’t feel it.
  • Take a few deep breaths. Say the alphabet backwards. Walk away if its safe
  • Find something else to do for a minute or two
  • Think about how you would behave if this was a friend’s child
  • Visualise yourself picking up your emotions and feelings and putting them down next to you. This is going to be a whole lot easier if you are calm and in control.

3.    What to do and what not to do when a tantrum erupts


  • Use reflective listening ‘You are SO frustrated/ angry/ upset, You really want that toy’. Help them name what they are feeling – it will help them feel understood & diffuse the emotion
  • Ignore the behaviour. Avoid eye contact. If you are sure they are safe, move to a different room if possible.  Say ‘I will talk with you when you have stopped’
  • Consider having an angry corner with drawing things, a cushion to punch, bubble wrap to stamp on etc. Teach children It’s Ok to be angry, but it is not OK to harm people or property
  • Help them calm down. After the tantrum say “I’ll help you settle down now.”
  • As soon as the tantrum is over give your child a hug and reassurance that they are loved, no matter what. Praise them for stopping the tantrum ‘You’ve stopped crying and screaming. I can talk with you now’


  • Don’t lose your temper. Stay in control of your emotions when your child loses it
  • Don’t ever give in. Say: ‘Unfortunately now you have had a tantrum I wont be able to give you that, because you might just think that that is the way to get what you want’.
  • Don’t say ‘calm down’ or ‘Stop that’. It is not helpful to children (or adults)
  • Never use physical punishment
  • Don’t give them an audience. Allow them to do their Oscar-winning performance on their own. It kind of takes the fun out of it!

4.    How to avoid tantrums

  • Talk to your child beforehand about a situation that may cause a tantrum. Use Role play and talk it through to help your toddler learn how to behave.
  • Ask them what they might be feeling and ask them what they will need to do.
  • Keep asking them how they will need to behave before the situation happens again.
  • Give plenty of 1:1 attention (plus 15-20 minutes a day doing something they love)
  • Keep triggers (off-limit objects) out of sight
  • Give toddlers some control (Do you want the blue jumper or the green jumper? Do you want to brush your teeth before or after your bath?)
  • Distract them in the early stages /milder tantrum notice something exciting or fun. Hug or tickle your child
  • Be aware of how your toddler may be feeling. Don’t try to do things when they are tired or hungry
  • Give your child positive attention when he/she  is being good
  • Establish clear and consistent limits for behaviour with rewards for behaving well

Let me know what you think or what you do that works when your child has a tantrum

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