Is Your Parenting Damaging Your Child?
There are seven ‘deadly sins’ that many parents commit, that will stop a child flourishing and achieving their full potential in life.
- Giving conditional love
Each child is born with a range of temperaments and personality traits. However, every child needs to experience unconditional love to flourish and thrive. Where they feel loved, just for being them, with all their faults and failings. No matter what they do.
- Do you repeatedly make sure that your child knows they are loved unconditionally?
- Ineffective discipline
A child needs boundaries and gentle guidance in life. If their parents are ineffective in ‘connection then correction’ when they make a mistake, or are too harsh or lenient, the child will fail to achieve the holy grail of self-discipline and self-control.
- Do you connect with your child, then provide firm but fair discipline, if your child does something wrong?
- No long term goals
If you don’t know what qualities and life skills you want your child to have when they grow up, you won’t be raising them to develop those characteristics. Being a parent means holding the bigger picture, for your child, in your mind’s eye, and structuring what you do, to help your child achieve their full potential.
- Do you have a strong picture of the qualities and abilities you want your child to have when they’re older, and nurture those characteristics at every opportunity?
- Social media and electronics misuse
Many parents are so caught up with the fact that their child is obsessed with social media, they fail to look at their own bad habits. Parents are indulging more in checking Facebook, checking e-mails, being on their phones, messaging, posting, and having the TV on permanently at home. This is stealing the quality time that children need from parents to learn social skills and life skills.
- Do you set limits on the time both you and your child spend on technology? And turn your mobile and electronics off, when with your child or family?
- Insufficient quality time
Children spell love T.I.M.E. It is easy to forget the pleasures of spending time with your child, when you are so busy working and doing all the jobs that need doing. Many parents struggle to find even 15-minutes a day, special time, for each of their children.
- Do you set aside quality time to spend with your child each day, and arrange family meals and regular family time?
- Inability to maintain healthy relationships
Your relationship with your partner provides a blueprint for your child’s future relationships. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce, more and more children are seeing arguments, disrespect, controlling behaviour, and ‘passive aggression’ as normal. Children won’t grow up with healthy social skills, or have happy relationship with future partners, if they don’t see them in daily life.
- Does your child see you interacting well with your partner, sorting out disagreements respectfully, and spending time on your adult relationships?
- Failing to seek help
Many parents put up with issues, for weeks, months or even years, such as a child not sleeping, tantrums, sibling rivalry, homework hassles, fusses every morning, friendship issues, bullying or a child hitting out. They think that being a parent means they should instinctively know how to solve every problem with their child. That they are somehow ‘failing’ if they seek help. Even though they are happy to attend courses related to their work, they don’t find the right help for the most important job they’ll ever do – raising children. In some families, parents shout at their children every day. Sometimes multiple times a day.
- When you have a parenting challenge, do you seek help from trusted friends, family, the internet or books? And if that doesn’t’ work, find a parenting specialist to help you resolve the issue effectively?
How guilty are you, when it comes to the 7 deadly sins parents commit?